Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
