Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
