I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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