4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
