I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
