He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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