So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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