Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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