Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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