just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
