Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
