meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
