My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
