Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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