I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
