am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
