I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my liver is dry heaving
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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