y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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