Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
