she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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