we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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