I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
