Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
