Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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