plz talk dirty to me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
