Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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