Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
