i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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