is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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