fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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