Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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