On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
