not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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