YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
