oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
