I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
