wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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