She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
