I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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