She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
