god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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