I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
