Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
