this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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