I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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