The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
