fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he puts the penis in happiness.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
