The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
