Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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