it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
