I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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