What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
