all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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