Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
