This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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