We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
