I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
