put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
