Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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