my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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