know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
