found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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