He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
