.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
