i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize