How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
