I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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