dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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