Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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