I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
