It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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