Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
