just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
